I’ve been thinking the last few months. That’s saying a lot for me. Most of my days don’t involve a lot of thought; just herding children and mediating arguments, prepping food and then cooking it, schooling our kids and then doubting whether I’m a “good enough” teacher, encouraging my husband and then trying to disarm the foreboding thoughts that question whether I’m a “good enough” wife. Do you know those thoughts?
This blog started as a place of inspiration for me. I was stuck in a food rut, feeling as though every night at the dinner table held no surprises: meat, veggie, fruit. I felt awful that Superman was so restricted in what he could eat, and I knew there must be more ways to cook a piece of cow then just sprinkling on garlic salt and throwing it in the oven. I thought if I just had a few people reading, it would inspire me to go beyond boring. And it did. I found myself on Sunday nights at the kitchen table, scrambling to come up with a weekly menu to post so I wouldn’t have disappointed readers. I think I thought I was more consequential than I really was. But, oh well. Clean Eats in the Zoo was born, and it’s grown from just a few readers (I remember when I was so excited that I had 20 hits on my blog in a day!) to much more.
So, back to how I’ve been thinking.
My life consists of a lot more than just cooking. Granted, eating grain-free and predominantly void of processed foods can take up a large chunk of my time. But it’s not my life. I’ve realized over these past few months that it’s bothering me that all I write about is food. Don’t get me wrong; I think food is important. I find great joy in setting a spark for people to make healthy changes in the way they eat. And I can’t see myself ever stopping the creative bug in me that puts me in the kitchen, throwing ingredients together. But again, it’s not my life. I want to grow my blog. Not just in readership, but in substance. I want to share with you my struggles as a mom, as a homeschooling mom, as a homeschooling adoptive mom. I want you to get to know my family and to understand why I adore my husband and often see him through rose-colored glasses. I want you to know when I fail, so you can see that we are all cut from the same cloth of imperfection. My heart’s desire is to be completely transparent, opening my heart to you, while still sharing valuable insights (and recipes).
My journey in life has thus far been unpredictable, hurtful, dysfunctional and distressing. But on the flip side, it has also been joy-filled, exciting and blessed, and I have been redeemed by a relationship with the God I call Lord. All of the brokenness and dysfunction I came from has melted away because of my bond with Jesus. And although I no longer carry the burdens of my past, those little buggers creep their way back into my life on a regular basis: those voices of self-doubt, worry, frustration and discontentment.
So, my question to you is this: would you mind if I made this blog more personal? I know many, if not all, of you follow this blog because of the recipes. Obviously, it’s called “Clean Eats” in the Zoo for a reason. Would the ramblings of a 30-something mother of 5 add more chaos to your day? Of course, I still plan on regularly posting yummy dishes and delectable treats. Please be honest with me–I don’t want to change something if it’s not broken. But I know the writer in me, the relational part of me, wants to do more.
Please leave me a comment and tell me what you think!